Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-07

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Jun 072010
 
  • This product list is made of people bits! I bet there is some kind of Lovecraftian surgeon scientist among the staff with dark designs… #
  • Finally out of New Jersey. Home to San Francisco for more than a week as well!!! #
  • Best thing about the airport in Charlotte is the JambaJuice! Yum! #
 Posted by at 6:59 am

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-31

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May 312010
 
  • Jenny has made me watch too many fashion related shows and now she is paying for it! We are at Target and I am "pulling a few pieces." 🙂 #
  • http://znl.me/P3BDGX Hangin with porny fellas in the Mission… Live! Nude! Sexy times! #
  • Jeesh. @UnitedAirlines customer service is really really bad. Trying hard to get me to take my business elsewhere. Maybe I should. #
  • Spent over 2 hours on the phone with @unitedairlines just to hear that no one could help. So disappointing. #
  • @UnitedAirlines would rather send me to another airline than try to fix their mistake. #
  • So guess what @UnitedAirlines, you refunded my money and I took it to your competitor. And my flight was still cheaper. #
 Posted by at 6:59 am

The Dead Space

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May 272010
 

I woke up this morning next to my lovely lady and I was forced to wait on her awakening for what felt like hours. For reference, I just came back from a two week business trip to Pennsylvania and 10pm = 1pm (so I go to bed early) and 8am = 11am (so I wake up early). It was in this quiet time that my mind began to ponder the upcoming transfer window. For those of you who aren’t obsessed with the soccer world like I am, the transfer window is the period of time between June 1st and August I do get to freak out of every little rumor concerning my team (Chelsea Football Club), or a big transfer coup (the movement of a big player from one team to another).  For 3 months I get to wonder what the makeup of my team will be at the start of the next season. We they spend hundreds of millions of pounds to gain the services of several players in the hopes of winning the Champion’s League? Will they try and succeed with the players they currently have and save some money? Only the passage of time can tell.

One player to watch this summer is a certain Fernando Torres. He currently belongs to Liverpool Football Club. He also plays for the Spanish national team, and if he avoids injuries (he actually has one currently, so he must avoid injury and heal),  you will get to see him leading the attack in the World Cup. Great displays in the world cup often set players up for juicy transfers. The summer games allow coaches, club owners, and managers to see potential players in action while their wallets are “out” essentially. Imagine going to the grocery store hungry. When I do, I always spend way too much money. The same phenomenon seems to occur every 4 years during the world cup summer. Players avoid signing contracts until after the games because they wish to “focus” on their country teams. This often means ‘if I do well in the world cup, you are going to have to pay more to keep me.’ But I begin to digress. Torres is such a player. His team, Liverpool, have failed to qualify for the competition that Torres excels in, the Uefa Champions League. This is a double edged sword: Liverpool loses the revenue from these major games, compounding their financial troubles and making it more likely that they will need to sell players over the summer in order to stay afloat. Also, without Champion’s League soccer for Torres to take part in, he may begin to look whistfully at some of the other major teams which can actually compete in this competition. Fernando came forward a few days ago with the statement everyone was expecting to here: “he will not discuss his future until after the world cup.” Boom. He might be on the move.

There are lots of potential suitors for a beautiful player such as Torres. It just so happens that my girlfriend is numbered among them. Can you blame her? Torres is very very skilled as a forward. He has amazing ball control, speed, and an excellent footballing brain. He can read the game very well, and use that to outfox the defenders and score on a very regular basis. Potential teams that might come calling over the summer include Barcelona, Manchester City, and Chelsea. My team? Yes Chelsea. It is highly possible that Torres could move to Chelsea. I begin to wonder how I feel about this. I think I like the idea. My girlfriend loves Torres, and if he moved to my team, she would be buying a jersey with his name the very next day. I would love it if we could rock matching jerseys as well. How hot would that be?

No matter what happens, you can be assured to read about it here. I love the drama and the intrigue of the summer transfer market, and I cannot wait to see who ends up where. Maybe you might be interested as well?

 Posted by at 11:55 pm

Five Guys? Try Five Lies!

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May 192010
 

I tried a new burger place in Harrisburg the other day that people claimed was “better than In-N-Out.” I will now completely disagree with that assertion. The first thing I noticed about Five Guys was that they were empty to the degree of two customers on a Wednesday night. I’ve never seen less than three customers inside In-N-Out in my whole life. There must be something shady about this place right? There is! Walk up to the counter and holy mother f*cking shit: One guy, three girls. How many guys advertised? Five. How many guys delivered? One. But it gets worse…

The counter girl yelled out some nonsense like “Two patties” and the affirmative from the single guy on the grill shattered my world. From behind, a guy. Actually, a girl. BOOM! ZERO GUYS. If I was a racist five year old, I would call Five Guys an Indian giver of guys. So lame. You may be wondering if I’m taking the title too seriously. You might even suggest via comments that the restaurant is in fact named after the five sons of the restaurant’s creator. Well you know what? I can wiki with the best of them and I am not impressed. As I postulated with the girlfriend, if I went into a male strip club called Ten Inch Dicks and there were nothing but 5 inch dicks waggling around, I would certainly feel aggrieved. I would also feel offended if their was only a single ten inch penis. Dicks, not dick.

The name of an establishment I have never experienced servers my imagination with a tone, and a feel which I enter the establishment expecting some echo of. It doesn’t have to be entirely accurate. But it should be relatively accurate. If I go into the restaurant called Friendly’s and my waiter is a dick, Friendly’s is a giant fail (for the record I have not been to Friendly’s, but apparently they are). If I go into Ten Inch Dicks and see a bunch of giant wieners, my expectations are met. When I entered Five Guys, I expected a sense of camaraderie amongst a group of five or more guys doing bro stuff and grilling me some goddamn burgers. I was failed, and thus Five Guys has failed. Get your burgers with mushrooms while you can people, I expect them to go out of business any day now.

And to address the very serious issue of their potential to compete with In-N-Out? None whatsoever. For starters, fries in cups are dumb, not having shakes for my belly is lame, shitty packaging that smooshes my burger reeks of laziness, and whenever I visit In-N-Out I go in and they GOD-DAMNED LET ME OUT!

 Posted by at 4:51 pm

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-17

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May 172010
 
  • It's muh b-day and I'm all the way over in Pennsylvania, in muh fancy clothes, working far to hard. I hope these people are nice today! #
  • Woohoo! Just won a Rise of the Eldrazi sealed Queue! PROFIT! #
 Posted by at 6:59 am

Distances

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May 162010
 

Leave home for a while and you can realize how much there is to like at home. I was forced to leave home this week for a town called Harrisburg in the state of Pennsylvania. So let me to tell you, I miss my city.

Some people are forced to travel and leave behind their kids and whatever. Screw them. I have two adorable little ferret girls at home. They are each about three months old, and they are perhaps the sweetest, most ridiculous, most cuddly carpet monsters to ever prance across the earth. Yes, they certainly prance.

I also leave behind two monstrous little sugar gliders. Zara, the newest part of our family, is desperate to bond and make friends, which I cannot do on the eastern side of things. I long to put her in my pocket and let her sleep awhile. Have you ever let two sugar glider sleep in your pocketses? It’s pretty magical. Especially when they attempt to ‘go rogue’ and escape into the bowels of the living room couch.

Worst of all, I leave my girl behind. She is the one who supports me at every turn, through every trial, and she keeps me honest by never letting me hide from the little lies I tell myself. We’ve been together now for what will soon be a year and a half, and this is the first time I’ve left her behind. She’s usually the one to leave me! I think sometimes it’s better to be left than to do the leaving. When I get left, I keep the TV,  I keep the kitchen, I keep the pets, I keep the comfy comfy bed. Now I’m stuck with the Harrisburg rain, the crappy Ruby Tuesdays that delivers to my hotel, and the unlimited shower water that lures me into lengthy water wasting depravity. Damn you hotellllll!

Four more nights. Four nights and I get to sleep in my own bed, with my own lady, and a few cuddles on the side from my ferrets and gliders. I can’t wait one bit.

 Posted by at 3:12 am

Blood & Boobies

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Apr 182010
 

Dear Starz,

I find your sensuality, brutality, and violence invigorating rather than disturbing. The season finale to Spartacus: Blood & Sand was completely awesome. I’m very pleased that so many main characters were dispatched so handily. I do find it a bit strange that all the risen slaves would leave the gates without going to grab a little money first, or maybe some supplies. But I suppose for dramatic effect it is okay for all of them to go charging out of the villa and on to next season. Jenny scoffed at me when I said this Spartacus finale totally outshone the finale of True Blood…. But it is true! True Blood may be the better show in terms of story, writing, acting, and even violence. But considering finale effect alone, the Spartacus blood bath was awesome. I think the sword through Lucy Lawless’ unborn baby was a moment that really pushed on the boundaries of thematic brutality. It was very appropriate. I’m very much looking forward to another season, so here’s hoping the main character’s health problems aren’t so very severe…. but that sounds selfish… I hope they aren’t severe so that he can life a happy and healthy life. Another good season of Spartacus would be the icing on the cake!

Sincerely,

~Kyle

 Posted by at 1:03 am

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-04-12

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Apr 112010
 
  • Data Mapping Data Mapping Data Mapping Data Mapping Data Mapping Data Mapping Data Mapping Data Mapping…. It's that kind of day! #
  • I'm officially done with iTunes. Stupid alert noise nonsense. My system sounds are none of Apples god damned business. Henceforth, FOOBAR! #
  • Sad day 🙁 #
 Posted by at 11:59 pm