The Tale of the Duck (with full color pictures, a must read)

AS I SAID BEFORE, A MUST READ… THE WEIRDEST STORY I WILL EVER TELL!!!!!!

On Saturday, Derek, Chrisk, Jordan, Cassidy, and myself all went down to the Russian River for some swimming and merriment, like we usually do on a hot day. We swam, we played, and we decided to hike down the river for a while, for no apparent reason.

At some point, a flock of ducks was spotted. Derek tossed a rock at said flock in what he claims was an attempt to scare them. But his intent did not match the result. From 200+ feet away, Derek struck a duck in the head with a rock, breaking it’s neck and dooming it to death. By pure accident, Derek murdered a poor, helpless little quak-quak. That Rat Bastard! We investigated, and Jordan decided to carry the duck out of the river, so I grabbed a branch and we made a vine like noose.

Before we left the scene though, Derek was confronted by a stoned, angry, old man. He yelled at Derek, Derek yelled at him, and there was lots of cheesy one liners on both sides. He said he was calling the police. So we left (with the duck).

We brought the duck to Chrisk’s house, and his dad explained to us that we should eat it, and how simple it would be to gut it, skin it, and bake it. He really did make it sound easy. Jordan and I volunteered to do the dirty work.

At the time, I was very sad for the duck, but I also did not feel like wasting. She died by accident, maybe she would be honored if we took the lemons and made lemonade so to speak.

We brought the duck to Derek’s house, and aquired tools for cutting and what not. And Surgical gloves, because ducks are dirty.

The first thing we did was remove the head. Why? It was bleeding, and those cold dead eyes kept staring at Jordan and myself, it was very unnerving. We couldn’t handle it. Head off!

We then pondered what Chrisk’s father had told us. “Cut from the rectum to the breast bone” were his words. So, Jordan grabbed the knife, stuck it in the rectum and tried cutting. It turns out that was slightly more difficult then it seemed, for it didn’t worked.

So new plan, I grabbed the scalpel and cut at the breast, making an ugly gash. At that point we began to understand the whole skinning concept, and we successfully made the breast to rectum cut that would allow us to work.

Now here is a warning about these pictures, do not look if you don’t think you can handle it. There is duck blood, and I would say they are very interesting, but you may not like that kind of thing, so proceed with caution!

So clicking here will show you the duck, cut open from breast to rectum

Post that picture, we cut around some more, and then we discovered that whiping the ducks arse was neccessary, she was leaking shat. Then, we discovered the intestines, lovely cords and things that were needing removal. So here’s where I come in.

Me removing the guts from the poor quak-quak, they were ooh so squishy!

Another gut removal pic, me in the white, jordan topless.

The results of my labors, The Silmari — errr, yeah, the guts!

This one is oh so lovely. From left to right, the gutter, the murderer, and the skinner.

So we started to skin, and skin some more, and clip and it was lovely and bloody, and yellow jackets kept attacking our duck.

This one is big and lovely, larger size than the others, and full of g(l)ory.

Found some lovely things buried beneath the breast bone, mainly the heart, lungs, and this funny little unidentifiable whitish cord.

MMM Yummy

Now here is our skinning progress so far

This one seems to be from earlier, but it slipped into slot 9, so its interesting anyway

And finally, success, most of the skin comes off in one big chunk. Jordan fills with victory

This picture makes me giggle, it is so just…. hmmmmmmm

Here is jordan looking a wee…. strange, with the results of the finished skinning process.

Oh yummmmmy, Derek plays the insane chef, with the cleaned product. He put some crazy spices on and stuff, it was pretty funny.

And the final product, the hunter tastes the accidentally hunted!

And thats a wrap. Think about that though. We killed a duck, we gutted it, skinned it, then we ate it. Talk about one weird friggin day, that was definitely not planned. Hehe, that will be a memory in my head for the rest of my days, The day I gutted and helped skin a duck.

Poor little ducky, I hope it rests in some sort of peace.

Now go and tell ALL of your friends to read this story, because its so strange, and yeah. It’s just so damn weird.